A Letter To My Future Son, From A Future Gay Father

Dear future son (or daughter),

It’s your dad. I can’t wait to meet you! There’s so much I want to do with you. I’m looking forward to the day when I can let go of your bicycle and watch you ride; to our regular Friday-after-school routine, when we stop at Baskin-Robbins to get some ice cream; to holding you tighter than the time before as you sleep serenely on my chest. I hope that you look like me, so everyone will look at you and say “you are your daddy’s child!” I hope you inherit some of my mannerisms, like cracking your knuckles when you get nervous and not being able to hide your facial expressions. But there’s one experience of mine I hope we never have to share.

As Father’s Day approaches, I’m reminded of how I seem to have disappointed my dad (and your grandpa) over the years; I was average, at best, to him. I wasn’t very athletic, I wasn’t very popular, and I wasn’t very into girls. Never was. And, to his dismay, I never would be. When I told him I was gay, I distinctly remember his reaction. Dripping with sarcasm, he said, “Shocker! Anything else?” I didn’t know whether to feel relieved because he seemed to have known long before I told him, or feel like even more of a failure because I hadn’t met my dad’s expectations for me yet again. He’s since come to terms with it and accepted it, but we’d never talk about it again until you’re born. That’s when he’ll tell me, for the first time in my life, that he’s proud of me.

Baby boy, I want to you to be whoever it is you want to be; whether you like women, men, both or neither. I hope that you are able to do so with no fear of anyone judging you or hurting you just because you’re “different.” And that goes beyond your sexual preference. You could be a hippie or a businessman, a jock or a cheerleader, the class valedictorian or the class clown; be you, and no one else.

Though you won’t really understand until some of your classmates tell you otherwise, your family is not the traditional American one. No, kiddo, you’ll have two daddies; two daddies who love you just as much as your friends’ mommies and daddies do, but two daddies nonetheless. You’ll get a lot of strange looks when we pick you up from school, and you’ll hear a lot of whispering behind you when we go out to dinner together – trust me, your daddies are used to it. I’m not going to tell you to ignore it, because contrary to the popular adage, words can hurt more than sticks and stones. What I will tell you, though, is that I will never let you lose sight of the higher road; that those stares and whispers are trivial and not at all directed to you; that if you see daddy step outside of himself to put some ignorant people in their places, to do as I say and not as I do!

The good news is people like that are becoming less and less common. Soon, there will be a new “normal,” where people won’t care about what’s going on outside of their own bedrooms and households. You’ll be in a world where society won’t hold you to some unfounded, unrealistic expectations. You’ll be able to jump in the bed between your other daddy and me and we won’t be scared that you’ll ask which one of us is “the woman.”

Soon, kiddo. I look forward to that day.

Love,
(Your future) Dad

11 COMMENTS

  • Reply June 12, 2012

    Damone Williams

    This is BEAUTIFUL! So beautiful.
    Thank you for this.
    You’ve inspired me to write a few of my own letters.

    Amani!

  • Reply June 12, 2012

    Brent

    I really loved this. You did a great job informing your child about the obstacles and challenges his fathers face on a daily basis. I wonder would the letter be any differently if it was to your daughter. What would you tell her?

  • Reply June 14, 2012

    Jay Winter

    I’m 23, but my god I wish you would adopt me. Although my parents were more accepting then your dad seemed to be, the complete silencing of the topic has been the same. I have never been someone who has been proud of his parents in the same way that they have never been proud of me. For once when I see a sign that says “I love my dad!” I would like to think and say to myself “Ha, that’s right. I do love my dad.” instead of either ignoring it or wondering what it must be like to want to dedicate a song or performance to your parents or even to thank them during a speech. I know you’ll be a great father, simply because you want to be. Acceptance and love are all it takes, so you’re already there. Good luck, and if nothing else, remember there is a british 23 year old who would kill to have you as a dad.

  • [...] love this letter from a gay dad to his future [...]

  • Reply June 14, 2012

    Amun

    OK, let me give the author some advice from someone raised by two gay folks. You will be an embarrassment to your child no matter who you are or who you love — get over it. Your young’un is going to ask you questions far, far, scarier than “which one is the woman” — you better get used to it.

    Taking your child to get ice cream every week and telling them to just be themselves is asking for a fat, spoiled, underachiever — take him hiking or running every Friday, encourage him to constantly improve, and hold him to the highest standard.

    Finally, stares and whispers aren’t going to bother him at all. That’s his normal, his everyday occurrence. All of that isn’t going to make him feel ashamed, but watching his dad act like a jerk in public to “put someone in their place” certainly will. Either teach him to live with the dignity and grace befitting a 21st century man, or do us all a favor and forget about having kids!

    • Reply June 15, 2012

      BougieHippie

      Brilliant!

    • Reply June 20, 2012

      PurpleJeli

      I absolutely LOVED this comment and I was thinking the exact same thing. No matter what you look like or who you live/sleep with, your kids will think you are embarrassing no matter what. Also, unless there is potential physical harm, it’s not dad’s job to correct anyone. Their way of thinking is their way, just like dad’s way of thinking, loving and raising a kid is his own way as well. Do you, love and raise your kid and be happy!

  • [...] reminder to be you and no one else, from the letter of another dad… A letter to my future son, from a future gay father — And my favourite part: [Excerpt] “…if you see daddy step outside of himself to [...]

  • [...] to make me cry, [...]

  • [...] Mused’s Neo Huxtable is a gay man who hopes to become a father in the future. On the magazine’s website, he posted this letter to his (future) child: [...]

  • [...] Huxtable at Mused writes: As Father’s Day approaches, I’m reminded of how I seem to have disappointed my dad (and your [...]

Leave a Reply