I wouldn’t say I was the most religious person, but I participate. I mean, I attend church on Sundays, participate in the Young Adult Choir and sometimes show my face at Bible study. Even though I’m not the next T.D. Jakes, my growing relationship with God has become more important in my life throughout this time of transition.
Being a single, young, black gay Christian looking to date presents enough challenges as it is. Over the past few months, I have started the dating process again after ending a four-year relationship, and I’ve noticed many of the men I’ve come across tend to not be as spiritual as I’d like. From atheist to Buddhist, I have come across them all, but I have yet to find someone who believes in the same God and even frequents church like myself. I’m not looking to date the head of the trustee board, but at least someone who wouldn’t mind getting up and going to church with me on Sunday mornings. For guys in their mid-to-late twenties, religion appears to not be as important. Even for my friends who have grown up in the church, it seems like serving God has fallen off his or her agenda.
Dating someone of a different religion can be very difficult. The Bible speaks on couples being “equally yoked,” and we can trace the lineage of many biblical stories on how difficult differences in religion can affect a relationship. Being equally yoked extends beyond just going to church; it means being on the same page, confessing to the same higher being and following the doctrines and teachings of the church. For my household, we will believe in God. We will serve Him and honor His wishes. I could only imagine the hardships of trying to raise a child in a house divided religiously. At 29 years-old, I’m not dating just to date – I am dating for a mate.
As a man of true faith, sadly I have given up on trying to find my Christian soul mate myself. I am preparing for the man I know God will send me. Instead of using loose adjectives to describe my ideal mate, I have become specific in what I want. I know He will not send me what I ask for if I’m not prepared to receive His blessings. God has someone special for me, and I am going to wait on the Lord. Praying has become very important to me in this time. I want my man of God to be righteous, a strong leader of his personal faith and able to hear and receive a word from God. Since penning this post, I am still single and becoming the person I am destined to be.
Let’s be real for a second: everyone in the church isn’t saved or even trying to be. This makes the journey even more daunting. There are plenty men in the church on Sunday morning who just left from lurking around the club parking lot Saturday night, or even participated in activities that involved a condom full of happy endings with someone else’s mate. I am not naïve to think the church is full of perfect people; however, I know the church is not a museum of perfection, yet people looking to be perfected. Jesus is the only perfect one and we’re made in His likeness, not exactness.
The Bible gives us many examples of the difficulties of dating outside of our faith, such Abraham and Rebekah, and even King Solomon with his wives. Not only are these written teachings, but they also can be used as a roadmap for navigating your love life. It is ignorant to accept or assume Christianity is something heterosexual couples deal with. As a black gay man, my faith plays a major role of who I am and how I decide to live my life. I would hate to miss out on the opportunity to share that great news with someone I truly love. The Lord is going to show up in my love life; he hasn’t failed me yet.
