Ripe For The Picking

The next dude I date has to be fresh meat.  A lot of homosexuals today are thawed, tainted and rancid. I consider myself a lot of things but I’m no doctor; therefore, I have no lithium to prescribe these head cases I’ve dated recently.

If one were to ask me about my dating history I would say, enjoyable. That is what dating is supposed to be anyway, right?  Dating should be about meeting new people, learning more about yourself and being adventurous. The bonus is finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.

After calling it quits with my boyfriend of three years last summer, I was anxious to get back out in the dating sea to go fishing. But I was in for a rude awakening.

This year I’ve encountered four different boys: the peach (sweet, yet grown in Atlanta), banana (no matter how green you get it, it still spoils in less than a week,) apple (the old faithful, but no matter how hard you try once bitten there’s no saving it) and plum (beautiful but no taste and needs a lot of looking after).

I prefer my boys young/ripe and thin (licks lips as I type this) not for reason one may think, i.e. dumb, naive and simple. In my experience, guys my age aren’t as adventurous and open to new things, and their idea of a date is going out to eat. I mean, why must every date consist of unnecessary empty calories? No, seriously, someone please explain.

I’m a guy that likes to do a multitude of things, such as hiking, bike riding and traveling. I don’t want to play house or have an Instagram love. It seems as if most guys my age are ready for marriage after the first phone call.

Unfortunately, peach, banana, apple and plum were was all but that. Each of them was insecure, broken, delusional and needy. I just don’t get it. I like my men young because I know when I was 20-23, I was all about enjoying life. I didn’t know anything about being hurt, resentful or searching for a daddy. When I say “daddy,” I mean that father’s love so many guys are desperately seeking.

It’s a known fact that I do not want kids so, why would I desire to date one? These young guys are holding on to irrelevant things from previous experiences that are halting them from experiencing life that is happening right now. I get that everyone’s back-story is different and filled with struggle, but I was taught to use those experiences to make your future brighter.

So many guys are dealing with distrust issues, body issues, lack of love and a need for constant praise. That’s why I am a fan of long distance relationships. I love meeting people from other places, which forces you to actually talk and truly get to know them. I can be aloof and sometime-y, so I need the distance to stay to myself. Like the saying goes, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Take my relationship with my family, for example: I love those Samoan-built people, but I would wind up strangling every single one of them greedy bastards if I had to spend every day with them. But you’d never know, because I live 600 miles away from them. Some of these young guys are waiting for the other shoe to drop. If not that, then they want a financial advisor, counselor and cheer squad they can screw. I’m exhausted with no idea how to digest all of it. I’m going to start dating closeted, married or public figures that just want to go away and be something totally different.  I need a guy who doesn’t bug me or get on my nerves when we’re in our regular lives.

  • Whispering Grass

    ” I’m going to start dating closeted, married or public figures that just want to go away and be something totally different.” …..*Side Eye* No sir! do not joke about that. What goes around comes around.

    Now, you are only back to dating a year in after 3 years of unity. I think you should give it a bit more time since you have been out for a good while. Hell if it were that easy to move on year after year, no one could complain about finding a good man or a good match altogether. I think you should give it a bit more time and do not give up on your own age range. A lot of times age is just a number. No indication of maturity, stability, or good old plain sense! Keep fighting the good fight. You can do it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  • BougieHippie

    This is true…

    However, I can honestly say I’m not ready to settle down. I was never one of those people who pictured themselves with a partner for the rest of life. I’m just more flabbergasted at how hurt people are and how they carry it around expecting someone to accept them damaged and all. I mean who wants rotten groceries?

  • Brent

    You seem confused like you don’t know what you want. All references seemed to be adjectives you’re searching for. The things you mentioned also come with age. Made me think why do you want to date someone ripe if you’re still unhappy.

  • BougieHippie

    Huh? Are we reading the same post? Unhappy about what? Overall the article is about how I come to dating open baggage free yet I keep meeting people full of stress and strife. To which I don’t understand how can someone so young be so tainted already. Then the older guys are eager to settle down without taking the time to just date.

    All I want to do is date! I don’t bring anything bad I expect the same.

    I want someone hot, productive and resilient. I want to go out and do stuff then be left alone.