We all know and love the cartoon Casper the Friendly Ghost, but do you love and enjoy when your friend becomes a ghost? “The Casper Effect” happens when your close friend disappears when they get a new man, boo, hubby or boyfriend. Then when the relationship passes or dies they reappear out of thin air? In my experience, there are three different types of these ghosts: Desperate Casper, Traditional Casper and I cannot live without Casper.
This friend is commonly a big talker and dreamer. He is a great person but is usually meek and insecure about his appearance and worth. As great as your friend can be and the potential you see in him, you also notice the 180-degree change when a man appears in his life. The desperation of your broken friend is clear when you finally meet the “man.” Usually he’s a dead beat or obviously not worthy of your friend. Despite this, he is so desperate that he clings to this experience no matter how much energy this so-called relationship is pulling out of him. Sensing your disapproval, he suddenly gets ghost to focus on his new relationship. A few months pass and your friend reappears more broken than before, and you’re there to help pick up the pieces.
This friend has great assets and personality. He’s loyal and dependable among all odds. Usually he’s present in the moment and on time for everything. The Traditional Casper is a checklist person, very organized and by the book from the start of the day until nightfall. He might even be a hopeless romantic on steroids. This is a central theme with them. They are ride or die for love for the right and wrong reasons. When a new beau, hubby or boo comes into the picture, this friend goes ghost very quickly. Being totally submissive, he often becomes a “yes man.” The beau is now everything, the best friend, confidant and provider of all things. Love conquers all things in the Traditional Casper’s head, even if the new beau is a piece of shit. Once the relationship ends, this Casper gets up and tries again, still believing love will conquer all.
I cannot live without Casper
This friend knows how to cheer you up when you are down. He loves attention and lives in the moment. Usually the life of the party, explicit and sexual, he’s very open about everything. He loves easily and has an obsession with intimacy, but he doesn’t know the difference between an intimate relationship and a sexual one. The central theme for this Casper is same script, different cast. As amazing as he is, he’s consistently in a new relationship, 2 or 3 times a year. This causes him to be in and out of your life for weeks at a time. Every now and then, he’ll pop back up like nothing has changed until the next man comes along.
You may have been one of these “Caspers” or even currently have a friendly situation like this. Eventually they must learn two lessons. First, self-worth is important. They have to stop looking for others to validate them. Secondly, their true friends are the ones that stick around after a relationship fails. All relationships don’t last, but a true friendship – no matter how much time has passed – is always there.
Do you have any friends that fit into these categories? How do you manage these relationships?