We’ve all been there: you meet someone, the attraction is there and it’s a mutual one. Maybe you’ve had a few drinks or maybe you’re just horny, but this could be something meaningful and beautiful. Then again, this could just be meaningful and beautiful – for one night. Is sex on the first night too soon? And just how soon is too soon if you really expect it to last?
Among my friends, the opinions about first night sex vary. Some of my straight female friends won’t admit to sex on the first night (even though they do it on occasion). They believe you should get to know a guy for at least three months before giving it up. That sounds nice, but 90 days is a long time! Most of my male friends – gay or straight – would happily sleep with a partner on the first night. While some straight men would argue that they wouldn’t consider getting serious with a woman they sleep with on the first night, many gay relationships began as a hookup.
Now, I’m not really for full-on sex very early into a relationship, but I admit I’ve done it once or twice. I may or may not have had a relationship that spanned several years, but started after a week of three dates and two overnight stays. I also may or may not have had a one-night stand that turned into a flirtatious friendship. On the other hand, I may or may not have hooked up with people too quickly in the past and wouldn’t even consider them as a mate once the sexual thrill was gone. As I get older, I realize that sexual gratification isn’t at all the most important factor in finding a long term partner. Yet as a man, I recognize that sex is still very important to a relationship and sometimes it’s OK to get it out of the way early. Maybe that’s not socially accepted, but it’s the truth.
In all honestly, it just makes sense nowadays to not jump into bed on the first night with every handsome face you meet. It could end happily ever after, or with the gifts that keep on giving. It could end as just one night that never turned into anything. You’ve got to be prepared for the fact that you’d essentially be sleeping with a stranger. And, of course, you’ve got to be safe first and foremost. But there’s no rule saying that one has to wait three months before you sleep with a new partner. And there’s definitely no guarantee that a relationship will even last after waiting three months if the sex turns out not to be good. Sometimes sex is just sex and that’s OK. You don’t expect to marry your one-night stand, but it’s definitely possible! Trust me, stranger things have happened. I may or may not know.