Editor’s Pick 2012: Fat Gay Woes – Find A Gym, Find A Man?

When this article was first submitted to us, we were reluctant to publish it. While we respect everyone’s dating preferences, we also believe there are right and wrong ways to communicate those ideas. But after reading (and re-reading) this submission – and a little self-reflection – we realized that we all have our own preferences, whether they be more, equally or less radical than this. This article by Oliver Williams was one of our most controversial pieces of the year – but a little controversy never hurt anyone.


Show me a bitter fat boy who swears anyone who desires a guy with striated thighs and a six-pack is jaded and “missing out on real love,” and I’ll show you an unhappy fat boy that was jilted by that same guy.

I’m always amazed at how self-righteous, rancorous and “neo-dating experts” undesirable-bodied men become when people invoke their physical dating preferences. What’s even more astonishing is when called to task about their own jilted generalization, they claim healthiness vs. attractiveness.

Not all guys who would rather go to the gym over Chipotle, or whose crunches doesn’t involve potato chips are self-important, vain or windbags. Neither are the men that want to date them. It’s perfectly fine to want someone you find physically attractive.

There have been a lot of fat homosexual men making a sweeping assumption that the homosexual dating life is solely physically/visually driven. Though I have a strong disdain for “enlightened” homosexuals who are willing to slam their own culture just to prove a point, I do believe that no one is willing to date anyone who doesn’t turn them on. I also believe society as a whole is physically driven, not just gays.

When you initially meet someone, it’s purely visual. Even after the conversations and interactions (if you choose to continue) still physical appearance is a factor when deciding to approach a person romantically.

I feel that some out-of-shape men are inflicting their own self-esteem issues on the whole homosexual dating culture, only because the guys on their Instagram feeds they “loathe” so much will never find them as enticing. Physical appearance is just as important to dating as education, faith, finance and family background. We all have our own preferences; we shouldn’t be punished if we choose the educated guy with the well-used gym membership over the educated dough-like boy.

I’m over constant conversations from bitter fat men all up in arms because the guy they went on three dates with dropped their extra weight for someone he could actually wrap his arms around.  I believe if they spent more time in a gym and made more conscious food selections, somehow their perspectives would be drastically different.

This isn’t about being healthy – it’s about looking good naked. Take myself, for example: I’ve never been a fat guy, but when I was a 34-inich waist, I felt I would like myself more at a 32-inch waist; then later, a 30. No, it wasn’t to get any male attention – it was for me. I wanted to look in the mirror and turn myself on – the admiration from other men was just icing on the cake.  Also, it takes more discipline to get up before sunrise to work out and counting calories than just doing nothing and blaming everything and everyone but yourself for that gut, man boobs and loneliness.

Everyone reserves the right to date someone who fits his list of preferred beaus without being taxed. Just be honest about what you want in a mate and willing to accept someone’s decision to move on to something they deem better. No, you won’t miss out on “something good” because if it was meant for you it would happen. Find a gym, find a man.

  • tony265982

    this man is an idiot….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=657335971 Justin Diogenes King

    Why is he an idiot? because he is being honest and candy coating how he feels? That’s the problem with our community is we neglect to be honest out of fear of rejection or hurting someone. If I dig a muscular/skinny/stocky/fat guy it’s based solely on if I’m physically attracted to them initially then comes the things under the surface that further draw you in. I have met guys that have said they don’t like skinny/thin guys (or as the gays like to call them twinks) I’m 5ft 11in and 160 LBS. and I’ve been turned down but muscular guys too. The difference is I don’t become bitter and hate all people that look like that because the next muscle guy may have a thing for skinny or heavy guys! I know plenty that prefer their men thick. Just get in where you fit in and stop projecting low self esteem on the masses, self esteem is exactly that esteem of ones self!

  • mrandante

    You could have very well made your points without all the fat-shaming (“Not all guys who would rather go to the gym over Chipotle, or whose crunches doesn’t [sic] involve potato chips are self-important, vain or windbags.” “…because the guy they went on three dates with dropped their extra weight for someone he could actually wrap his arms around”). I wonder if you perceive all fat folks (the spectrum of people that includes–from the person a couple of pounds over to the extremely obese that reality shows love to exploit for ratings) as lazy slobs who must not care about themselves (’cause it’s impossible to be confident and fat) or their health (’cause fat automatically equates with unhealthy).

    And while I respect a person’s dating preferences, I damn well reserve the right to question the underlying motivations. If person says they don’t “do blacks or Mexicans,” I assume they’re making an en-masse generalization about black and (if they’re using Mexican as a general term for Latino) Latino people.