5 Ways To Keep A Successful Gay Relationship

I don’t often disclose the intimate details of my personal life – and I don’t intend to start now. What I will say, though, is that I’ve reached a point in my life where I know what works and what doesn’t in a relationship. The answer: nothing. There is absolutely no prescribed fix for any given situation in terms of relationships. But to borrow from an old saying, I’ve learned from my mistakes – and his – and would offer these tidbits of advice for making your relationship last.

1) He is right, you are wrong. Always.

In moments of frustration, it’s easy to become selfish and only think about how you feel – but in relationships, how you feel no longer matters. It’s all about him. All. Everything. What’s yours is his, and what’s his is his. For heterosexuals, the saying is “a happy wife makes for a happy life.” In our world, a happy boyfriend makes for…a lot of work for you.

2) Stand your ground! . . .over there somewhere.

There’s nothing worse than a man who’s willing to be walked over to avoid a conflict, especially if it’s an issue he feels strongly about. What’s worse, though, is that you will become that man. Your frustrations will be deemed “silly,” “childish,” and “what the f*ck is wrong with you?” Whatever he’s upset about, however, will be priority No. 1 – surpassing the fiscal cliff, debt ceiling, and Beyoncé’s set list for the Super Bowl halftime show. You may disagree with him, but it’s only because you don’t see it from his eyes (see rule No. 1). Trust me.

3) Your calls/texts/emails, etc., will all be monitored for quality assurance purposes.

You might as well remove your passcode from your phone, because chances are he knows it already. Be prepared for questions like, “Who is ‘Daddy’?” And don’t even think about answering “my father,” because that would make way too much sense. Your every like, re-tweet and mention will be scrutinized to the fullest, and he will find something – whether it’s there or not. Deleting your social media channels is also futile because you’ll probably end up fighting about what you were trying so hard to hide that you had to delete your stuff in the first place (see rule No. 2), leading you to beg and plead for forgiveness for something you likely never did (see rule No. 1). Is this sinking in yet?

4) Sex. On demand.

This is probably the only rule that will genuinely benefit the both of you. It’s your chance to remind him that you are in control of this. That is, unless you’re sleepy. Or sick. Or in the hospital. Regardless of how you feel, if he wants it – give it to him. Whether you have to straddle him and ride him senseless while trying not to sneeze on his face, or you have to turn his back into Jello while fighting off that impending cramp in your calf, do what you have to do. And make it count. He’ll thank you…someday.

5) Suck it up.

Chances are you’re as big of a pain in the ass to him as he is to you, so learn to live with his flaws. He lives with your snoring, terrible morning breath and borderline alcoholism, right? Knowing that, I’m sure you can deal with his tiny, tiny issues. And let’s be honest here: can you do better?

Obviously, this “advice” is terrible and not meant to be taken seriously. It is, however, intended to help you see that we’re all human and we all have our own issues and insecurities. But every relationship is different, and it’s up to you and yours to decide what works (and what doesn’t) to keep it going.

What are some suggestions you have for maintaining a relationship? Share your tips below!

  • Brent

    I thought this was too funny but the sad part is that it has some truth in it. No relationship is perfect and everyone is crazy except for me. Good post Vance!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ZionMarQuiese.Devereaux Zion MarQuiese Devereaux

    Wow lol funny but true!!!
    It’s sad that people actually think this is how a relationship works.

  • http://twitter.com/JVRYHEID J. Vryheid

    I’ve been visiting this website for a while now but this is BY PAR the most misleading article so far.

    Seems like all these rules consist of walking on eggshells to please someone.

    Healthy relationships are mutual and require just as much respect as “straight” relationships. This is damn near degrading…

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  • dcphenom

    lol J. Vryheid I suppose you didn’t read all the way through. Of course this is terrible advice! The point is there is no “guide” to making relationships work. Do what is right for the two of you.

  • jim1981

    thats like some sexist shit that was written in the 1940s for women. well its not right for women and its not right for men, if you are in a relationship like that, then run and never go back,

  • Merius kitomari

    This is one crazy post ever, if I had to get in this kind of relationship someone would either cut me lose or serve life in prison. It seems like one is so inferior, a no-lifer that they have to hold unto some shit. On I ain’t that and my guy knows that quite well. Good news we are so good to each other, we just had laugh at this post.

  • Trave

    You make relationships sound really sucky.. I don’t think you should be giving advice!

  • patrick

    Sucking it up?
    Basically, it boils down to letting someone be as they are…and wanting them to be that way from moment to moment. Hard to do when what they want or want to do conflicts with your own ideas. It’s a switch from “tolerating” or “compromising” to wanting it to be that way. Suck it up unless it’s harmful.

    An amazing thing happens. You’re the only one on the planet who allows them to be exactly as they are…and wants them to be that way. All the pretending, masks, and little secrets fade away. The person can….. just be….. for the first time in their life..Their bad baggage starts to drop away. If you weren’t attracted by the baggage, it’s all good.

    That starts being reciprocated. It becomes a two way street. Instead of compromising with who you are…they begin wanting you to be who you are. When someone does that, you find out you weren’t who you think. Your own baggage drops away. Change becomes a function of pleasing/loving the other rather than a debate. You both change without realizing it until you look back.

    My partner and I did that for nearly 40 years….no regrets except his heart attack. In his eyes, I was perfect just as I was, and in my eyes so was he, It doesn’t get any better than that…living with the perfect man. It begins by sucking it up.

    • Marc

      This is one of the best pieces of advice I have seen, and I completely agree with it…

  • incognitofreaq

    This has to be a joke.

  • Forty_Blu3

    Whoever wrote this post kept it 100 …lol… I agree with all of this in a humerus way. Great post for me.

  • http://www.cock4jobs.com Cock4Jobs

    That’s the thing with punchlines – sometimes, you just skip them and take something like this whole post seriously, which it isn’t, and can deal with the consequences of misunderstanding everything.

  • Elliott Montana

    This is definitely a joke with no punch line. It offers advice which is harmful to one’s self esteem. Even if none of it is meant as real advice, it still promotes standing by a borderline abusive relationship. This post was made a while ago, but obviously people like myself are still reading it. I would seriously consider taking this down for its misleading and harmful content.

    • Medoner

      PREACH IT! x

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/InnerRise/feed?filter=1 InnerRise

        No. Don’t preach.

        Instead PRAY for the person that comes along and is dumb enough to take this seriously can’t think for themselves. Not to mention the disclaimer at the end. My aren’t you a betch!

  • Terrell

    Man my advice would be to pray.

  • Lo

    Here I was reading the first paragraph as if this was legit… Then it all goes to shit 2nd paragraph lol wtf

  • Erik

    Come-on people. This is just something to think about.

  • AriesDick13

    This was awesome. Really made me laugh! I think its a good ice breaker and conversation starter. Thanks!