With Rihanna and Future giving people approval to beg for love and affection, I started to think about the type of love I look for, or better yet give? Am I that needy boyfriend, or the one that stalks his every move? John Alan Lee developed 6 basic styles or “Colours of Love.”
After finding out I am neither, I felt much better. So it’s only right to share my findings with you. What type of love do you bring to the table?
1. Eros: “Love at First Sight”
Erotic love is a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment, the stereotype of romantic love. Eros can best be explained by that lovely-dovey couple walking down the street holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes while fighting to say “l love you” last. In an erotic relationship, everyday is like the first date, and each I love you holds a certain value. This is a love style I run from. I’m not an overly affectionate person; I believe lust happens at first sight not love. Don’t call me sweetie, sexy, lover, bae or honey. Call me by my government name or scream it when I do that thing with my tongue. The best advice I can give to an erotic lover is to brace yourself. When reality hits and the dream is over you will be hurt.
2. Ludus: “Pimping Ain’t Easy”
Ludic lovers view love as a game or sport. We all know that one guy who is always in a relationship, or on a date every other night. He basically changes his relationship status as much as he does his underwear. They are not interested in the quality of relationship but more so the quantity. They tend to use excuses such as “I’m too young to be tied down to one man,” or my favorite “People in my age range aren’t ready for commitment.” My ex falls into this category. I love him to death but I just wonder if he knows in all games one must lose. When dating multiple people you cannot fully experience what each has to offer if you’re constantly looking for your next date.
3. Strogic: “Lovers and Friends”
Strogic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Strogic lovers want their partners to be their best friend. Strogic loves focus on commitment to one another and developing a form of respect and understanding for their partners needs and wants. I believe that when a friendship is there first and both parties are not focused on physical needs but more so the bond they share, a stronger relationship comes about. When you build your house with a solid foundation nothing can blow it over; not even the wind machine Beyonce uses.
4. Pragma: “Sign For Love on the Dotted Line”
Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner. The head and not the heart drive this form of love. Have you ever meet that guy who comes with a list of expectations and clauses? He is the perfect example of a pragmatic lover. Dates for a pragmatic lover can be compared to a job interview. They wish to find value in their partner, and want to work to reach a common goal of a relationship. The relationship in most cases lacks any form of emotion. Once the checklist is complete the two form a business contract, better yet known as a relationship, and progress until the business fails. They tend to fall in love with the qualities that their partner possesses and not the actual person. You can love a man because of the letters behind his name and all he has accomplished, but he has to hold you at the end of the night not the accomplishments.
5. Manic: “Crazy in Love”
Manic love is a form of obsessive love experiencing great emotional highs and lows. A manic lover places his importance on their relationship. We all have experienced that needy boyfriend, the one that needs love, attention and affection 24 hours a day 7 days a week. He does this because love is a means of reinforcement of value for him. Their life is the basis of the relationship; the moment it fails then they have failed. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be crazy over your partner but there is a limit. If you find yourself crouching in bushes outside his apartment, tracking the miles on his odometer, checking his social networks every hour and constantly finding ways to get in his phone. Then you are a manic lover.
6. Agape: “Take it All”
Agapic love is a self-sacrificing and all-encompassing love. Many of us pray daily for God to deliver us a man, and when he does we don’t know how to act. He becomes a blessing and we must honor and take care of him. Agapic lovers view sex as a scared act between two, and tend to wait for their partners after a break-up. As sweet brown would say “Aint nobody got time for that.” Don’t get me wrong I do honor my man as a man and who he is in our relationship, but my world does not revolve around him. The downfall of Agapic love is the feeling of guilt or incompetence in a partner. Once you have given all you can there is always that question of “Can I give more?” I think the reason why they tend to wait so patiently after a break up for their man to come back is simple, he took the best of them with him.
I find myself to be a Pragmatic lover on the outside. A successful man is a turn on to me, the letters behind his name are more than letters it shows a drive to better themselves. His resume is the sweetest love song I have ever heard, and if he can fill out a tailored Italian suit, sweet Jesus hold me close.
So now you know which style of love you bring to the table, the next question is will he eat from it?