‘I Ain’t Gay’ – Straight Men Who Mess With Men

notgayIf a man engages in sexual activity with another man, is he ipso facto bisexual or gay?

Recently, I decided to log into Facebook for the first time in months. Not much has changed: Facebook continues to offer heavy doses of overwrought, polemic statuses about race relations, unnecessary pregnancy announcements and plenty of “thank you God for waking me up this morning” messages.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

At any rate, as I was browsing, I came across something very interesting, as well as something that I see becoming increasingly prevalent as I march closer to that Social Security check the older I get: gay guys I know getting married to women.

Or at least I thought they were gay.

Which brings us back to the question that was posed earlier: is a man considered bisexual or gay if he has at some point engaged in some type of homosexual activity? A recent Huffington Post article, “Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men,”essentially argues that sexual behavior and sexual orientation can be mutually exclusive; in other words, having sex with a man doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Among the reasons why a straight man would have sexual relations with another man, according to the aforementioned piece:

  • First sexual experience: Sometimes heterosexual males experiment with other males sexually, usually in adolescence and/or young adulthood (up to age 25), for the experience or to satisfy curiosity.
  • Availability/opportunity: These straight men have high sex drives and are sexually aroused easily. They connect with men for physical sexual release, which can be quick and easy and allows them avoid having to emotionally engage.
  • Narcissism: These are straight men who are self-absorbed and have a constant need for attention and acceptance; they use sexuality with men to be worshipped and adored.

“I just want to, you know, try it out…”

The above list was redacted to include what I believe may be the most common situations among straight men who have had homosexual encounters. In reference to the first sexual experience bullet point, I could definitely see how a guy who self-identifies as straight would possible want to, you know, see what was going on with another guy. Back in the old days (circa 2006), these were the dudes I expected to send me that infamous “whassup” Facebook message after the initial meeting.

Allow me to explain.

Before gay was “in,” if a guy was interested in another guy—but wanted to express his interest clandestinely—he would simply send him a message via Facebook that said nothing more than “whassup.”

The implications of this one-word message were far greater than one may have initially assumed.

For what “whassup” really meant was, “I’m interested in hooking up.” In retrospect, I received plenty of “whassup” messages from people who are now preparing to tie the knot with a woman, including but not limited to the anonymous individual who was mentioned earlier in the post.

Does that mean he and other guys are living a lie?

i hate cheesecake.

  • AmericanBoi

    the thing is sexuality with men is so hard to pick apart. The definition of bi sexual is very simple. “sexually attracted to both sexes”. by that definition alone pretty much 90% of my gay friends are bi sexual. if that makes sense. i think its possible, but i also think people are not honest with themselves. Ive had sex with plenty of women, probably more women then men. Before the guy im with now who ive been with for almost 8 years, i was with a woman for 4. And i consider myself gay because i know that i like men more then women. I see women im sexually attracted to, and i see women that i LIVE for, and they usually are 2 very different kind of women. But the mere fact that i can get aroused by women means by definition that im bi. I think everyone likes one sex more then the other and i feel like THAT is who they should identify with. But thats just my personal belief. The kinsey scale is very real.

    i could agree with the theories some on Huff Post. Ive hooked up with a guy in highschool who i knew wasnt gay but rather just kind of infatuated with me in a friendship kinda way. even after we hooked up i knew he wasnt gay. And ive seen the narcissism theory many times.

    ps. i also noticed a guy i dated is getting married. maybe its the same guy? lol

    • BlackPegasus

      Heterosexual Men can be narcissists but that narcissism will NEVER land them in bed with another man! TRULY AUTHENTIC STRAIGHT MEN don’t crave Dick! GAY men however will act on their ‘love of self’ by sleeping with and marrying females. I see the shyt all the time. So if you fools wanna believe in the myth of ‘bisexuality’ then have fun. If a free Man outside the walls of prison engages in sex with another man, he is GAY….period, end of story!

      • AmericanBoi

        i agree with most of what you’re saying. most of the time it is a man’s way of trying to water down the fact that they are just gay. Especially black men. But if you’ve completely ruled out the idea that there are men in this world who enjoy the sex with both men AND women, you simply don’t get out much and need to broaden your horizon.

  • BlackPegasus

    First and foremost, there is no such thing as “bisexuality”. It’s just a useful term for Narcissistic gay men who feel the need to share their “lovely selves” with more than one gender. It also provides cover for the DL closeted types to suck an occasional dick while still claiming to be heterosexual. If you guys wanna engage in a long protracted debate about what constitutes “bisexuality” then have at it… As for the gay men who marry women, what else is new? Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

    • Doctor Who316

      You are beyond wrong bisexuals and Pansexuals like myself exist and have been around for 1000′s of years. Bi/Pansexuals do not equal being on a DL its two different things

    • Jack Iesson

      Wow. This was easily the most asinine thing I’ve seen today. Congratulations.

      • BlackPegasus

        Thanks for reading.

  • Ayej32

    Sexuality is a spectrum and at anytime can change in either direction… By the definition of Bisexual used is correct.Attractions and or relations to both sexes.. IT happens ALL the time thus the Label.. We can try to label the act of sexuality as either or but that really isn’t the reality. There are men and women who experiment with both sexes. Who they choose to date even can all be apart of the experimentation. but ultimately who they decide to label themselves are human…

    • JC

      Ayej32,

      I do belief that sexuality is very fluid (e.g., The Kinsey Scale) and that there are likely very few individuals who are exclusively heterosexual or exclusively homosexual, in the sense that they’ve never had an urge to “try” either.

      We as humans are just conditioned to compartmentalize, so when things don’t fit neatly in a box, we tend to reject those things/ideas.

  • https://www.facebook.com/ZionMarQuiese.Devereaux Zion MarQuiese Devereaux

    Lol gay people will do anything to please society huh???!!!
    I don’t care what anyone else says.
    If you are sleeping with men in any sexual capacity you are gay- period.
    if you are sleeping with men and women in a sexual capacity ON A CONSISTENT BASIS you are bisexual- period.
    All that other b.s. inbetween is nothing more than some ploy to make people who HATE their sexuality to feel comfortable in their delusion.
    Stop the madness.

  • Omelio Alexander

    I think there is a base bisexuality for everyone. In the right circumstances with the right person any of us might do anything. I can count on one hand the women I have genuinely felt attracted to and I don’t need any hands to count the number I have slept with. My attraction to men is much more persistent. I think in regard to the men who go to the level of sex there is certainly a point at which your behavior is too persistent and consistent to be incidental. At that point whether it is a natural inclination or an acquired taste you are now actively bisexual. To claim that a man is not gay because he’s not romantically interested in men(even when he is actively seeking them out) is as preposterous as saying a heterosexual man isn’t heterosexual if he isn’t interested in being romantically involved with women. He’s just a dog in both cases.

  • Unknowntatts

    I believe that a man can be straight and still have sex with men. It’s easier to develop a sexual relationship with a man when you’re a man because its easier to relate. After all, no one knows how it feels like to be a guy than another guy. I spoke to a lesbian friend that said that even though she enjoys to feel penetrated by a dildo she’s still considers herself a lesbian. She added that lesbian sex is more of an emotional connection. Can you agree that since there is no emotional connection or attraction that’s its just someone receiving pleasure from a member of the same sex?

    • Omelio Alexander

      I think people mistake sexual acts for sexual attraction. Blindfolded good sex feels good. Women being penetrated has nothing to due with being heterosexual it has to do with being a female with a body part intended for penetration. There are straight men who like being penetrated because the pleasure of penetration has nothing to do with sexual orientation it has to do with physiology. Gaining pleasure from an activity doesn’t have anything to do with who you choose to have that activity with. Orientation is in the choice.

    • JC

      Unknowntatts,

      If it happens on a limited basis, then I’d be inclined to agree with your last claim. However, if it happens continuously and regularly, I have a hard time believing that a man has little-to-no emotional inclination toward other men.

  • Sxccaramelbro

    Gay is a mentality. It is about being attracted to masculinity. Most Straight Men are attracted to the feminine be it physically man or woman does not matter because let put it on the plate there are “gay” me who carry themselves better than women and are more feminine than women. Desire is based on mentality not the physical. In the physical there is only a homosexual act or a heterosexual act. This is why a woman can strap on a dildo and screw a man but it still be considered heterosexual sex. The reality is there is no such thing as a set form of sexuality because if this were true a heterosexual man could NEVER go to jail and be “prison gay” because it would be a physical impossibility for him to be aroused by a man. It only take one thought to get an erection in your member. Therefore, we must come to the realization that there is an infinite amount of variation when it come to attraction but on the two when it comes to the physical.

  • GoneWithTheWindFabulous

    Y’all get on my nerves.

  • Tigerbreaux

    Sexuality is fluid, attraction is relative, and they’re both things that should be measured on a sliding scale. I’m shocked by some of the ignorant and asinine comments in this post. Human beings are complex individuals and there are very few aspects of human life that can be viewed and/or qualified/quantified in “black & white”, so to try and do so speaks more to your level of consciousness more so than the person who is engaging in certain questionable acts.

    That being said, in reference to the topic at hand I think consistency is key. If you’re continually engaging in acts that can be deemed homosexual, especially with a consistent partner, I think there’s more to it than simple male sexual nature or curiosity. The more you do something the more comfortable it becomes and the quicker a pattern starts to form, so that to me signals something deeper than just physical enjoyment.

  • Keith

    I read this story because a friend of mine who hooks up often told me that STRAIGHT men make the best sex partners. I thought I heard him INcorrectly and he said “you heard me right”. I asked how can that be and he said “straight men make the freakiest, best bottoms and will let anyone suck their (you know what)”. I was confused as hell, LOL! I believe in the Kinsey scale but I also believe that black men use the “fluid sexuality” concept as an “out clause”. My boyfriend, however, has lots of straight friends that I look at and think “they are just waiting for him (my boyfriend)”. I don’t think these guys are gay but I do think they’re intrigued by a gay man who is naturally masculine and makes them feel completely comfortable but also is physically attracted to other men. Like kind of a “safe” gay man for the ‘hood….This whole thing has me interested and still confused.

    • JC

      Keith,

      Interesting story! I’d love to hear more from your friend who has a propensity for sex with straight men, though! lol.

      Also, I do think there are quite a few guys who use the fluidity of sexuality as a red herring, as I mentioned in the piece.

      Human sexuality is quite the complex thing … but dialogues like this keep us on our toes!

  • Kema

    Sexuality is VERY fluid. I remember having crushes on certain girls but never really acting on it. I’ve had 4play with a female but never intercourse. And over the yrs every so often I’ll see or maybe befriend a female that I have a crush on but I never act on it. Sexuality is complex. At times there’s no real explanation for what attracts us. Men, especially black men, have been conditioned to reject anything gay related. Yet black women are much more open when it comes to anything gay related. It’s very possible to have sex with someone of the same sex and not be gay. But there’s also a gray area. There are sexually confused men who have sex with men who are in denial. There’s a very thin line between curious & confused. Also, when you are around someone long enough and you are comfortable, feelings can develop out of no where. Someone who was just a friend can start looking very good given the right circumstance.

  • Darren Roberts

    NO ! Nor do multiple experiences do “Truth does not change” Why define your self by your desires or actions when they are given to change from one minute to the next at any given time . If you were given a name at birth and you were born male of female gender. That is the name of your label end of story .

  • Prime Example

    I’d tried to explain this to people for years. None of my gay friends understood this. I lived life as a gay man for 8 years. The first 2-3 years I never claimed being gay. I started out at the curious guy who got caught up in the seeming plentiful number of male partners. I was young and in shape so it continued because of the attention. On top of all of it I was still experiencing life and I got support and love which I needed from boyfriends at that time. It became increasingly difficult for me to live that life as the years passed because it felt like a lie because all of those reasons were very selfish. I decided to abstain from sex and relationships until I could figure things out. During that time, I met a girl. I admitted to her my past and she loved me enough to get over it. We are now planning our wedding. So… I’m a prime example. Great article!!!

    • JC

      Prime Example,

      Thanks for reading and commenting!! Your story definitely breathed life into some of the points I mentioned. Sexuality is not as cut and dry as people want to think!

      Congrats, by the way!!

    • nattiroqz

      but you still lied.. you lied to others and you lied to yourself. Im not judging you Im just pointing out the face that you failed to be honest. It would have been best to say I dont know.

  • AMIR

    WHATEVER LIE YOU NEED TO TELL YOURSELF TO GET YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!…..L.M.B.A.O!!!…….
    I KNOW QUITE AFEW STRAIGHT DUDES”……WINK-WINK….NUDGE-NUDGE”
    THAT I HAVE PIPED!!!…..I WAS SHOCKED @HOW WELL THEY TOOK IT!!

    • Ajahlai Smith

      wel ifyu adme on fbandlive in Utica we can talk

  • Iris

    In regards to your ending note, I totally thought you were doing a play on words using the older term gay which meant happy.

  • ColeStyles

    Most people’s first sexual experience is with a friend of the same sex, so if that is the case, then no, I don’t think you are automatically gay… That’s a realization you’ll come to with experience/attraction. This is the thing – it is okay to be attracted to both sexes; let’s just be safe and honest with each other/potential partners.

    • strike_a_poseur

      @979143df11d9618eabd256605e4504c6:disqus “let’s just be safe and honest with each other/potential partners.” Exactly! Honesty is key. I am dating a guy but unsure of his straightness because he looks at men a lot. At the same time, oddly enough no matter where we are, there seem to be only gay men around. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something?

      I don’t know if he’s closeted and have no hard proof.

  • disqus_1M2jcSrQM7

    What a pointless article. The author asked the same question umpteen different ways and offered no insight. I finished reading this and didn’t learn a damn thing.

    • JC

      Hi,

      Thanks for commenting! I think there’s a certain enigma to sexuality that I hoped readers would recognize. Judging from the comments, I think they have. I asked questions and rose facts in hopes that we could get a dialogue going. What do you think about the idea of a “straight” man enjoying sex with other men?

  • ShinjisSecret

    Straight guys having sex with other men has gone on for centuries. Warriors who wanted rough sex would get together and do it. It only became taboo when islam and chrstianity came along and forced their assinine views on everybody. There are also gay men who find women attractive and enjoy sex with them, but prefer long term commitment with another man. Sexual behavior is not the same as sexual orientation.

    • JC

      Hi,

      Yeah – sexual behavior and sexual orientation are often mutually exclusive as you pointed out. Too bad people erroneously use them interchangeably!!!

  • Pingback: Open Thread: Are Men Who Sleep With Men Automatically Gay?

  • Dexter Les Pierre-Luke

    Sexual orientation, sexuality and sexual behaviour have very blurred lines even though they can be defined with clearly different meanings. Research has found and shown though cannot prove that to categorize human sexual behaviour is very challenging and therefore can be seen on a 1-5 range scale. For argument sake, lets say 1 being more likely to be heterosexual, 3 being bisexual and 5 being homosexual. Such a scale was initially developed by a theorist who studied human sexual behaviour over a period of time and other theorists have added to and removed from the findings to suit their own hypotheses. Consequently, it a very difficult for someone to determine another person’s sexuality or orientation, simply by observation or based on perception. Additionally, there are many people who were introduced by same-sex activities from very tender ages, coerced, forced, abusively or otherwise, bringing a totally different perspective on the discussion. This act from such a tender age most certainly will interfere with the ‘natural’ sexual orientation of that person as an adult. Also, there is a smaller percentage of folk globally who categorize themselves as ‘asexual’. This, according to research done, are persons whose personal experiences with both sexes resulted in not having a preference and sees both male and female as one gender. Meaning, they don’t necessarily have a sexual attraction or a romantic attraction to either male or female. Hence, from my perspective, categorizing folks or labeling them as homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual or asexual based on limited facts about their life experiences will not be accurate, bringing any discussion on this issue to nil. That doesn’t mean that the discussion cannot be or shouldn’t be carried out.

  • Nattiroqz

    If you have sex with the same sex you are gay or bisexual. Whats with all the confusion? I would’nt claim to be straight while regularly allowing woman to go down on me. NO thats gay. So why the down play here? Yes people will view you differently but at least you will have a clear head when you sleep at night. There are also lots of men that pretended for years to be straight only later to come out as gay and people unfriended them. Not because they were gay but because they lied and because they did gay things then say such strong things about other gay people. WHAT IS THAT???

    • vincent

      i think you’re only gay if its becomes your permante lifestyle. If it only happened once and never happened again then i can chalk it up to a once in a lifetime experience. life is full of experiences but its what happens after that really counts. “straight men” should not be so quick to judge. I bet some of your closest male friends are gay or have had an sexual experience with the same sex and you would never know. That’s because they don’t want you to know. why would i tell a friend about something that so many men are condeemed for. if you were really any kind of friend in the first place you would judge them. Gay men are disscriminated against everyday for being who they are,who they love, and for just exsisting. The same way our ancestors were many years ago just because of the color of their skin. We need to learn how to except each other as we are. All these homophobic men need to take a good look at there surroundings open their eyes to whats really going down. All gay men don’t look gay so you better watch you backside. lol

    • Str8guy

      Why not having another guy just for the fun of it? Chicks do it, why we wouldn’t do it?

  • Merius

    I am sorry to say this, you are man sleeping with another man and to cover up ou. Call yourself straight trying to experiment, I say baloney. These people go on get married, father some kids and years later you hear them confessing to their wives. This is what a society we live in does to most of these closeted gay people. If gay people were treated like any other well who would have to be closeted? Nacism crap why go to a gay club? Real! What a lame argument, dude wake up you are gay, you may have big muscles but you have little courage to come out. A straight man sleeping with another man, what a lie? We will hear these people years down the line and I wonder what will the author of this article say then. Simple you are a man and you sleep with another man, plain and simple you are gay, and any claim of you being straight is just disgusting lie, you are phony and that is what I call a pervert in my world. A pervert because you are so dishonest to whoever the woman you engage yourself with. People need to be honest. All these reasons for MSM are some good research paper for someone trying to look smart and academic. There are no on and off buttons for gayism.

    • https://www.facebook.com/ZionMarQuiese.Devereaux Zion MarQuiese Devereaux

      I agree.

    • Str8guy

      If the guy confess to his wife, yep, he’s gay or bi, but if he hocked up with guy just for the fun, there’s nothing to confess in here, he’s straight.

  • https://www.facebook.com/ZionMarQuiese.Devereaux Zion MarQuiese Devereaux

    It’s amazing to me how a man who sleeps with men can be considered “straight” but a man who is gay sleeps with women he is ridiculed, demeaned and told that he is confused.
    Another hypocritical observation.
    But then again, that depends on how good he looks and how big his dikk is.
    I forgot about that.
    Carry on.

    • Xzamilio

      Are you serious? Gay men and a lot of women are notorious for trying to box any man that has ever had a sexual encounter with another man into a corner of “He’s gay, the end”. We ridicule our own when we sleep with a woman, we ridicule porn stars who identify as “gay for pay” saying “He’s just fronting and trying to remain mainstream by selling that lie.”….and who knows? Maybe some of them are. But as I get older and learn more about the fluidity of sexuality, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be feasible for a straight man to have sex with another man solely for money, only on camera and with no romantic or physical attraction. I mean, hell, it’s not like we gay men didn’t at one point fake it to make it.

      There’s nothing hypocritical about this observation..there simply is no black and white to sexual orientation…just shades of gray.

  • http://www.facebook.com/iiiJe ~”Λ ϑε’ Λ” ~

    I concur it’s definitely more to “gay” people than some “straight” people misinterpret by.

    I know a few guys who consider themselves “straight” still because they not emotionally vested in men and don’t desire to date men but will be physical with one. I believe guys who think as such, do so because of public scrutiny & fear of rejection so they can’t dare have emotions and physical in the same sentence in the same sex.

    …man..imagine a world where people didn’t care who slept with who, or if it was “normal” to experience both genders if one chooses and the only relative thing that mattered was the monogamous relationships two people shared blah blah….

  • http://www.facebook.com/iiiJe ~”Λ ϑε’ Λ” ~

    Wow the article comment section is on point! I have to disagree though yea we can say it was an “experiment” but in reality if a “gay” male sleeps with a “woman” he is bisexual.

    Bisexual could be 60/40(as 1 guy I know told me) or for the gay dude 99.99 gay and 00.01 straight. As gay men we offer an honest perspective because we live the life daily and freely in a world where many look down with no hesitation. I wouldn’t call them straight, but they are definitely bisexual.

    I’ve had girlfriends and even kissed a few possibly will conceive a child with 1 one day, but I see beautiful woman every day, been hit on by them, pu$$y literally in my face, been “horny” and no men I wanted to sleep with but that woman was there, did I get desperate and say what the hell?

    Naw…in fact I have never had the desire to stick a woman and sex is never a thing of convenience.

    Correction…”WHO” you sleep with might be the convenience (location, age, weight, looks, ugly, sexy, etc.) but the GENDER is a choice! So yea Gay is gay bi is bi straight is straight, whatever you are wear it loud and be proud of whom you are not prideful.

    But you can’t claim straight and you’ve been involved with the same sex…Experiment? LMAO funny.

    You bi mane face it lol you just prefer woman over men… A LOT of men are bisexual hell my inbox tells me so I’ve been hit on by more “straight” dudes with girlfriends, wives etc. than I do regular gays.

  • kip

    not at all—we are all bi to some degree even if that degree is simple ‘curiosity’—bottom line–good men are good men no matter who they have fun with—when the fun is done it’s really ones emotional needs relative to a life partner that will define him so until yopu find that person–don’t worry about it–it’s just part of living

  • brotherhassan

    Human sexuality is much more complex than we as black people want to admit. The internalized imagery of black manhood as hypermasculine, hyper-heterosexual beings conflicts with this understanding. Many black heteros think that homosexuality is a virus; once you have come in contact with it, then you are perpetually infected by it, no matter what.

  • Str8guy

    One question: why women can kiss each other and be heterosexual but when two guys kiss or hock up they have to be at least bi?

    One comment: Why one cannot simply express its sexuality without being labeled? He kissed a guy and then dates a girl? Is that problem, i don’t think so?

    • LothBroughtEvilInTheGroup

      I’m Indonesian Moslem and live with liberal-moslem family, i have no daughter. and I didn’t know who i am, but when i was in hight school i had never have girlfriend and porn can’t make burn while i was watching gay or not-regular porn like lesbian porn or old-young porn, it’s turn me on. and i thought that i was gay, but, i don’t like having boy or girlfriend, i have sex with girls and men but having sec with man not make me comfort and full of regret, but i really wanna have son or daughter, , so i told my close friend and my family that i’m gay. but they (espesially my mom) said “it’s only in your mind,this life is yours, the choice always back to you, why don’t you just enjoy two worlds in front of you or why don’t you just make woman in your head become lesbian, so i try and it’s make changes but not 100% yet, so every women who love me always get the same answer when they crush on me, “i’m gay, maybe Bi”, but they still love me and force me to open my heart for woman, when i break up with them i also use the same reason. NOW, i wanna find out what kind of woman do really love man in ice cube like me. and i hope i can marry one of them while she knows who i am, so that, i wouldn’t go out in the night by way of my window like so many married men secretly doing while everybody think they go out in the night by way of their door where we know that it’s also not a good optional for Woman.

    • He’sThaGreatest

      The two “hetero” women kissing each other are not straight either. The fuck is you talking about? They chose to engaged to homosexual activity. What y’all need to realize is that everything you do is by CHOICE. Am I saying that we chose to be gay? NO, that by birth. Just like a woman is born with a dick, she is a transsexual. Those men who engaged sex with men are GAY, PERIOD.

  • BScreaton

    I think my man is like this. Ive got numerous things indicating he loves dick. What do I do cos Im not real happy in the sex department with him to the point I want to cheat to get fulfilled. Is this nuts? Id like him to just be honest with me. It doesnt mean I wont love him anyless. Hes a sweet beautiful man that I hav 2 kids
    with. Confused much.

  • chuck ko

    I’ve been sayin that for years. agree..

  • midwest guy

    I’m a gay guy. I know straight guys who regularly have some kind of sexual contact with other men One of them is my best friend, who regularly has sexual contact with me. (It was his idea to start doing that). I do *not* think he’s gay, really….. but his last girlfriend was extremely difficult to get along with, and didn’t offer him much in the way of respect or admiration. I give him both. Plus with me he gets a sexual release. For my part, he’s very nice looking, and while I would never think of having a LTR relationship with him…. it’s a release for me too. Helps both of us out, and we stay friends. Do I still believe he’s “straight”?? Yep.

  • Lee

    There’s a younger guy at my job that I am incredibly attracted to, but not really in a sexual way (odd). I think he’s attracted to me also, but nothing of a sexual nature. We are always at each others throats and constantly bickering or hitting each other (in a playful manner). He’s straight, married and a serviceman. While I would never mess with a married man, I find our flirtations to be somewhat emotionally fulfilling. Being gay and over a certain age is a recipe for disaster these days. I enjoy our interactions, they fill a void of sorts. I think if by some very strange chance a sexual advance was made by either one of us, it would ruin our friendship.

  • geri

    Straight guys who have sex with other men usually have past abuse issue(emotional,sexual or physical). somethimes its consistant most of there lives but usually something traumatic triggers it. I was with a married guy for 3 years who did not care who had sex with him he was only into large d–ks and was submissive. he was always distant like he wasnt there when we engaged in sex. although he said he loved and enjoyed everything we did(including kissing). he went home to his wife. His son got killed just prior to his acting out so i believe this was the trigger that caused him to seek out sex with men.

  • Giggles

    there is no set answer to anything. lot of different situations and people.

  • Que Z

    These men are still gay, they are also dangerous, extremely judgmental and play too many games. I attract these type of men all the time and i quickly shut them down, (You cant turn down a narcissistic men without a fight, you know they hate rejection) Yea they are attractive but i am too..and im not going to ever let a man use me for sex are date/(maybe sometimes hook-up) a men who is not comfortable with his sexuality. Even though the sex can be great – at sometimes, most of these guys are narcissist and they only care about them selves and their image. OUT GAY MEN need to show these men that they are not sex toys and stop going above and beyond for these guys…I see it all the time…these dudes fall head over for these DL guys who lie/use/abuse them ONLY for sex (sometimes money). Its sad sometimes because some of the dudes really think these men like them. Like i said, out men should set the tone by stop dating/hooking-up/falling victim, hell just cut them out completely…thats exactly what I did, my hookups/dating are a lot less hectic and unnecessarily secretive.

  • He’sThaGreatest

    You a damn lie. Don’t be contradicting everyone in your stupid ass theory aight? I am a gay man. I do NOT and have NO desire to be with women in a relationship wise. So cut the bullshit.

  • Stevo

    No such thing. Gay means you only indulge with the same gender. Straight means you only indulge with the opposite. Bi (like me) means you indulge with both. Enjoy your sexuality, but don’t lie about it.

  • http://www.thetaobadassreviews.com/ matt jason

    I am very comfortable with my sexuality, and I’ve kissed a guy before,
    so it’s no big deal for me. I see myself as straight, but I can find a
    guy attractive. I believe more in falling in love with the person rather
    than their gender. But having said that, I have never been with a guy
    sexual. I do find my roommate attractive and I wouldn’t mind if
    something happened between us. But I don’t think it would be a good idea
    if he has feelings for me, because I don’t think I could ever be in a
    serious relationship with him, and anything else would maybe destroy our
    friendship. Should I tell him that or should I just don’t say anything
    about it if he tells me he likes me?

  • Entenies

    My best mate and I had a little incident after a night out, he slept over mine (like usual) but this time was different, I was so smashed I was throwing up in a bucket, and he was comforting me. It was a real blur and I don’t remember much from it, but my pants ended up coming off and so did his, he fucked me and I almost didn’t realise it was happening. Shocked the morning after I confessed to him that I was bi, he said he knew all along but he didn’t know why he fucked me. I was convinced he was straight and he says he is, not too sure now. Could he be and not know it? Or bi-curious even?

  • flammamancer

    The issue will never be resolved because there are just too many personal opinions on what sexual orientation means.
    I find people of both genders sexually attractive and fooled around with someone of the same gender in my Christian Day school when I started puberty and then about 10 years later married someone of the opposite sex that I found sexually attractive.
    If I told my whole story some will insist that I am straight because even though I have sexual feelings for both genders I have only exchanged bodily fluids with a woman where some people will insist that I am gay and hiding my true self and then some people would say that I am bi sexual.
    I do not talk about this to other people because of the personal negative stigma that can exist behind sexual orientation in particular the one that I do not like the most is the idea that if I call myself bi sexual then it means that I actively seek sexual relations with both genders at the same time when in reality I have not sought sexual relations with anyone in several years since my wife divorced me because I need time alone to rebuild myself.
    I may go moist watching the Beastmaster trilogy with that barbarian running around in his underwear as well as a katy perry music video but I am not a sex machine.